I wrote this for the Canopy flash story competition run by the Urban Tree Festival 2021, and then I discovered it in my in-box, unsent.
Hi, my name is Wheatley, Wheatley Elm, nice to meet you. I come from a long line of ‘sarniensis’ Elms, though there aren’t many of us left nowadays, about 100 all told here in Edinburgh. We’re tall fellows, pretty stately though I do say so myself, stalwart, stable types. Me? I’ve been single for a while. I’m not a stripling, was planted around 1930 (although my pedigree goes back to 1815 and the Channel Islands), and in my youth there was a long line of us, neatly spaced. I’m good with cold, wind and pollution you see, which is a jolly good thing up on this hill by the coast.
You might say I’m an accommodating sort - magpies mostly. It might be my age, but they do make a clatter and a fuss, and they’re none too welcoming towards the littl’uns. Sparrows nip in and out, blue tits and the odd blackbird. The starlings get here in the early hours…oh, yes, you’ll know all about that, being woken up, sorry. Yes, they do tickle a bit, but if I’m honest I rather like it.
My interests? Well, I’m a passive sort of a guy. I enjoyed watching the new Forth Road Bridge going up, but that’s done now. And there’s always the coming and going of the pilot boats, and those swimmers, oh, those cold-water swimmers - no matter the weather or temperature there they are, exposing themselves on the beach, shrieking every time they dip in their toes.
That’s me on the right
No, no, I haven’t got any kids, no. I’m a bit embarrassed to say why, but we’ve been decimated by disease you see. Well, you’ll understand that, given what you humans have been through lately. I do have a few siblings nearby – I can see one or two over the roofs now actually; like you, I’d love to see my cousins in Brighton (that’s southern England), but I don’t tend to stray off the spot much. I’m one of those rule followers I guess, yes, some of you could learn a thing from me, ha ha!
Oh, OK, well keep in touch, I’ll be here for a while I expect, if you want to chat again.