I wrote this for the Canopy flash story competition run by the Urban Tree Festival 2021. It was during the Covid 19 pandemic and I imagined a zoom networking call where everyone was introducing themselves.
Hi everyone, my name’s Wheatley, Wheatley Elm, nice to meet you. I come from a long line of ‘sarniensis’ Elms, though there aren’t many of us left nowadays, about 100 all told here in Edinburgh. We’re tall fellows, pretty stately though I do say so myself, stalwart, stable types. I’ve been single for a while, not a stripling, was planted around 1930 (although my pedigree goes back to 1815 and the Channel Islands), and in my youth there was a long line of us, neatly spaced. I’m good with cold, wind, and pollution you see, which is a jolly good thing up on this hill by the coast.
Um, what else? Well, you might say I’m an accommodating sort - magpies mostly. It might be my age, but they do make a clatter and a fuss, and they’re none too welcoming towards the littl’uns, the sparrows and so on. They nip in and out, blue tits, the odd blackbird. The starlings get here in the early hours. They do tickle a bit, but if I’m honest I rather like it.
My interests? Well, I’m a passive sort of a guy. I enjoyed watching the new Forth Road Bridge going up, but that’s done now. And there’s always the coming and going of the pilot boats on the Firth, and those swimmers, oh, those cold-water swimmers at Wardie Bay - no matter the weather or temperature there they are, exposing themselves on the beach, shrieking every time they dip in their toes.
That’s me on the right
No, no, I haven’t got any kids, no. I’m a bit embarrassed to say why, but we’ve been decimated by disease you see. Well, you’ll understand that, given what you humans have been through lately. I do have a few siblings nearby – I can see one or two over the roofs now actually; like you, I’d love to see my cousins in Brighton (that’s southern England if you’re not familiar), but I don’t tend to stray off the spot much. I’m one of those rule followers I guess, yes, some of you could learn a thing from me, ha ha!
My time’s up? Oh, OK, well, if you come to the Windy City, do get in touch. I’ll be here for a while I expect, if you want to chat again.